Sunday, July 10, 2011

The *New* Bill of Rights

The *New* Bill of Rights

"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an
attempt to help everyone get along, restore some
semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the
blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our
great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more
time to ordain and establish some common sense
guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden,
delusional, and other liberal, bed wetters. We hold
these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of
people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so
dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big
screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to
you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is
guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be
offended. This country is based on freedom, and that
means freedom for everyone not just you! You may
leave the room, turn the channel, express a different
opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and
probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from
harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to
be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer
to make you and all your relatives independently

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and
housing. Americans are the most charitable people to
be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we
are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation
after generation of professional couch potatoes who
achieve nothing more than the creation of another
generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health
care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public
housing, we're just not interested in public health

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically
harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally
maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the
rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the
possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce
away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be
 surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you
away in a place where you still won't have the right
to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that
our children risk their lives in foreign wars to
soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive
governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from
going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy

parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so
much of our time battling each and every little tyrant
with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of
us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly
help you along in hard times, but we expect you to
take advantage of the opportunities of education and
vocational training laid before you to make yourself

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness.
Being an American means that you have the right to
pursue happiness -- which by the way, is a lot easier
if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic
laws created by those of you who were confused by the
Bill of Rights."

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